You will only find positivity here

There are two things I repeat to myself multiple times daily, God will never give you anything you can’t handle and, everything happens for a reason. Life will inevitably throw unexpected curve balls so I am trying to train myself to act in accordance with my aforementioned mantra because then, things always seem to turn out just fine. While I kind of feel I’m just playing the card I’ve been dealt, people have told me I’m an inspiration to them; that’s not a compliment I take lightly. I’ve had struggles which have led me to the epiphanies which dictate how I live my life. It’s pretty simple really; what is everyone’s common goal in life? To be happy. That’s all I want. So that was my first epiphany which has led to so many more and I only get happier by the day.

I decided to start this blog because when I lay in bed at night and can’t shut the always talking voice down in my head, when I am happy, I have great thoughts about how to live a better and happier life. I think that’s something worth sharing. As I know well, it’s all too easy to dwell on negative things, especially in the moment. I have been thinking a lot about how my experiences with cancer have taught me how to live better. It may take time for me to realize when I’m in the heat of an upset moment at work perhaps but, hindsight always allows you to see the error of your ways if you’re willing to take responsibility. That’s the key, you must be open to accepting the fact that you were wrong.

Recently I went back to work after a five month medical leave to undergo a bone marrow transplant. When I came back, I imagined it would be somewhat as it was when I left.  As the company I work for is in rapid growth mode, I came back to new people, new superiors, new offices, lots of different. I do try to look at the positive in everything but again, when you’re in the moment, easier said than done. I was put in a cubicle which I have never been in after being told I had an office waiting; in fact I’ve always been darn lucky to have awesome views and I’ve had a consistent full time job from the age of 18, summers since I was 13. (Thank you dad for instilling the quality of good work ethic in me at a young age! ) One of the new hires who, as I was told prior to my leave was to be my equal, was in fact not but unbeknownst to me until I got reprimanded by said person; didn’t see that coming. I’m laughing now as I’m typing this because I was so very upset at the time and thought my perfect world was crashing down on me but looking back all of one week later I already feel silly. It was when my original boss came to me and reiterated a point he had expressed when he hired my first boss who wasn’t him and that is, this person he’s hired should be treated as a gift.

I have not completed my bachelor’s degree although I have enough college credits for one; I could never stick to a major long enough, then I was diagnosed with cancer. But I still feel I have received a solid education and I use my psychology knowledge (that was my major and I did complete all but the crazy hard courses Quantitative and Statistical Methods of Psychology and higher; that course made me hate school). It’s amazing how what I learned has helped me deal with people and the sea of different personality types we come across in our daily lives. Now I’m trying to apply my new “Find your happiness” thought process with regards to that.

Back to my work story, I was having a hard time getting along with my new boss who I didn’t know was my boss. I had been so angry for the first 3 weeks of my return to work because everything wasn’t exactly how I thought it would be. I wanted to quit but I could never not work, it’s not in my blood, and I love the people I work for dearly and would never squander the opportunity they have given me. I thank God for them daily, probably many times daily. So that was a rash thought and luckily I knew it was a rash thought and one I would never actually carry out. So I had to make a decision. Live in an angry work environment? Not my style. So, another epiphany, this is a situation I have the ability to change. Coincidentally I was reprimanded again the morning after my epiphany (two strikes?! I have a fear of getting in trouble, I just always want to make everyone happy, especially in regards to work as that’s my livelihood!!) The epiphany clarified I needed to not only change my attitude but apologize because my anger resulted in me treating a person in a way I would never want to treat someone! I am embarrassed at myself! I was blaming everyone else for my temper tantrum. So I said to myself, FIND YOUR HAPPINESS. Make this situation happy.

That was able to come about when I realized, I’m not being pushed aside or forgotten about at work. My original bosses still like me! They are helping me! They are giving me these MBA, CPA quality people as personal teachers for me, in the exact field of work I want to be in. This is better than any college degree in my opinion. I got the general know how I needed from my four years in actual college, now I’m getting hands on, in the field, personal attention from brilliant people who have put in their time at a school. I need to put in my time as well. Isn’t hindsight awesome?