Always strive for your perfect

You can probably already tell I like the word “epiphany”. It has such a positive connotation in my mind; if you think about it, each new bit of information we acquire is technically an epiphany if we treat it as such. I carry around a notebook and pen with me at work so that I can document notes throughout the day as I’m constantly learning new things right now (and hopefully always). In the back of said notebook, I have a page titled “Educate Yoself Foo”. Here I jot down anything new I learn during the day. If I hear someone use a word I’m unfamiliar with I’ll make note to look up the definition and try to use it in a sentence to help me learn a new word. If my boss is teaching me something and uses a term with which I am unfamiliar, I’ll smile and nod at the time so as to appear knowledgeable but then write it down, research the meaning and try to repeat it somehow the next day so he and I are confident I knew what he was talking about. Win, win; the boss thinks I’m smart then I do the research to ensure I become smart on the topic! I’m writing about this because I find it helps me learn quickly and thoroughly and potentially help you get ahead, hopefully some will find this information useful.

How does this relate to my Happiness blog? In my experience, when I strive for perfection and put in the effort for a good day’s work, I leave work happy. I come home to my loved ones happy and happiness, thankfully, is contagious.

I asked a friend to read my first post before I published it on the blog. He came back with some good questions and insights which I thought should be addressed here. He mentions I define, in a roundabout way, my idea of happiness as the elimination of negative situations and the ability to maintain a positive outlook by looking for the inherent blessings in any given situation. Now, I hadn’t thought of it that objectively but, spot on. I like it! I still find myself getting frustrated at work with the same situation I had resolved in my previous post. So it’s not to say life will ever be perfect but yes, I have the ability to eliminate the negative attitude feeding the situation and believe that this will, in the long run, result in an even bigger blessing than it has already been. I’ll think of it as a character building opportunity; who do I want to portray myself as? Happy and hard-working, so that’s what I’ll be. Take responsibility for your actions.

My trials with battling cancer for the past 6 years have helped me on the whole positive outlook mentality. When you’re receiving chemotherapy via infusion you are in a room with several other chairs with several other people going through the same thing you are; no one wants to be there. You can imagine this is a setup to be the most sad, miserable place possible. Thankfully this was never actually the case. Most people were inspiringly positive and we all fed off each other’s positivity. There was the occasional Debbie-Downer and without fail, that person would be in more pain than the rest of us who opted to think positive. It’s awesome now, that thought process has allowed me to have a crazy high pain tolerance. You can literally will-power happiness over physical pain. Right now for example, I have one large blister on each hand from jet skiing and when I concentrated on the pain, it hurt but I have gotten very good at the ability to simply tune-out pain. See, cancer has some good side effects too! Being in pain becomes a norm for cancer patients as well so on the days when we don’t experience ANY pain, I know for me you couldn’t slap the smile off my face. Always remember, things could be worse!

You will only find positivity here

There are two things I repeat to myself multiple times daily, God will never give you anything you can’t handle and, everything happens for a reason. Life will inevitably throw unexpected curve balls so I am trying to train myself to act in accordance with my aforementioned mantra because then, things always seem to turn out just fine. While I kind of feel I’m just playing the card I’ve been dealt, people have told me I’m an inspiration to them; that’s not a compliment I take lightly. I’ve had struggles which have led me to the epiphanies which dictate how I live my life. It’s pretty simple really; what is everyone’s common goal in life? To be happy. That’s all I want. So that was my first epiphany which has led to so many more and I only get happier by the day.

I decided to start this blog because when I lay in bed at night and can’t shut the always talking voice down in my head, when I am happy, I have great thoughts about how to live a better and happier life. I think that’s something worth sharing. As I know well, it’s all too easy to dwell on negative things, especially in the moment. I have been thinking a lot about how my experiences with cancer have taught me how to live better. It may take time for me to realize when I’m in the heat of an upset moment at work perhaps but, hindsight always allows you to see the error of your ways if you’re willing to take responsibility. That’s the key, you must be open to accepting the fact that you were wrong.

Recently I went back to work after a five month medical leave to undergo a bone marrow transplant. When I came back, I imagined it would be somewhat as it was when I left.  As the company I work for is in rapid growth mode, I came back to new people, new superiors, new offices, lots of different. I do try to look at the positive in everything but again, when you’re in the moment, easier said than done. I was put in a cubicle which I have never been in after being told I had an office waiting; in fact I’ve always been darn lucky to have awesome views and I’ve had a consistent full time job from the age of 18, summers since I was 13. (Thank you dad for instilling the quality of good work ethic in me at a young age! ) One of the new hires who, as I was told prior to my leave was to be my equal, was in fact not but unbeknownst to me until I got reprimanded by said person; didn’t see that coming. I’m laughing now as I’m typing this because I was so very upset at the time and thought my perfect world was crashing down on me but looking back all of one week later I already feel silly. It was when my original boss came to me and reiterated a point he had expressed when he hired my first boss who wasn’t him and that is, this person he’s hired should be treated as a gift.

I have not completed my bachelor’s degree although I have enough college credits for one; I could never stick to a major long enough, then I was diagnosed with cancer. But I still feel I have received a solid education and I use my psychology knowledge (that was my major and I did complete all but the crazy hard courses Quantitative and Statistical Methods of Psychology and higher; that course made me hate school). It’s amazing how what I learned has helped me deal with people and the sea of different personality types we come across in our daily lives. Now I’m trying to apply my new “Find your happiness” thought process with regards to that.

Back to my work story, I was having a hard time getting along with my new boss who I didn’t know was my boss. I had been so angry for the first 3 weeks of my return to work because everything wasn’t exactly how I thought it would be. I wanted to quit but I could never not work, it’s not in my blood, and I love the people I work for dearly and would never squander the opportunity they have given me. I thank God for them daily, probably many times daily. So that was a rash thought and luckily I knew it was a rash thought and one I would never actually carry out. So I had to make a decision. Live in an angry work environment? Not my style. So, another epiphany, this is a situation I have the ability to change. Coincidentally I was reprimanded again the morning after my epiphany (two strikes?! I have a fear of getting in trouble, I just always want to make everyone happy, especially in regards to work as that’s my livelihood!!) The epiphany clarified I needed to not only change my attitude but apologize because my anger resulted in me treating a person in a way I would never want to treat someone! I am embarrassed at myself! I was blaming everyone else for my temper tantrum. So I said to myself, FIND YOUR HAPPINESS. Make this situation happy.

That was able to come about when I realized, I’m not being pushed aside or forgotten about at work. My original bosses still like me! They are helping me! They are giving me these MBA, CPA quality people as personal teachers for me, in the exact field of work I want to be in. This is better than any college degree in my opinion. I got the general know how I needed from my four years in actual college, now I’m getting hands on, in the field, personal attention from brilliant people who have put in their time at a school. I need to put in my time as well. Isn’t hindsight awesome?